Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Crumbs of the humble pie...

wedged sideways in my rose-bud moue 
issued forth at speed, as if
pebble dashing a wall.

On this very rare occasion, I didn't sweep in...
sidled more like.

Settling ever-so gently into my seat I said
'I owe you an apology!'
'Why?' he enquired from the pinnacle of his great learning.
'Well... I was rather rude last time we met.'
'Were you, what did you say?'
"I'm hardly going to repeat it am I, that would just compound it!'
'Go on!'
'Oh alright then...
I told you to wash your mouth out, not once but twice!'
'Oh yes, I remember it now!'
Settling comfortably into grovel-mode I said
'I'm sorry I didn't show the proper respect,
 that a man of your medical experience deserves!'
Thinking all the while, the fact is, you look young enough
for me to dangle on my knee.
Alright, I know that's got nothing to do with the price of cheese in Woolworths...
but still.

The shrinking violet tablet began to wear off and the old LL returned.

'Is there anything else you can do to alleviate the pain?
My doctor says I've just got to poke up with it!'

 'An operation if it gets much worse', the pain will go,
however it won't be the thumb it was!
I don't want to give you another steroid injection because over time they
destroy the cartilage.
Pain killers and anti-inflammatory pills are the way forward!'
'Look, I just don't want to take tablets!'
A more measured response this time than last, you'll agree?
That's the end of this thumb story...
at least for the time being.

The thing is I can type, and that's about the only thing I can do
without causing it to throb.
Crafting's loss is blogging's gain...

'You having a frigging larff LL?'


On reading in the paper, hedgehogs are in danger of becoming extinct,
I thought as we live off the road and have a jungly garden,
 complete with a huge ancient hedge.  I will offer home to
waifs and strays of a prickly kind.
Onto the phone I go to offer 5* accommodation.
Well, you'd have thought I was a hedgehog fancier of the worse kind.
Very sniffy she was.
'Do you have hedgehogs?'
'We did see hedgehogs asleep in the hedge a couple of years ago.
 The dog last summer would stand and stare with gently wagging tail
at what I thought was a slumbering hedgehog.'
'That's not enough,  we have to have evidence that they are actually there!
You will definitely know by their droppings and the snuffling noises they make!'
'At this time of year, surely not?'
My question hung in the air...
A humpf was her non-verbal reply.
'Ask the neighbours!' she said as she put down the phone.

As I replaced the receiver I thought
CRC checks for hedgehog adoptive parents now is it?

Humpf, double humpf!

Prickly is what I felt!


  1. we don't have hedgehogs cos we have badgers, who like to feast on a tasty hedgehog given half a chance.
    Not knowing this at the time, I phoned Miss Tiggywinkle's Hedgehog Haven to offer an adoptive home and was given rather a stern telling off.
    Ho hum!

    1. Glad I'm not the only one then Elaine! Feels like a smack in the face with a wet fish doesn't it?


  2. I watched a thing on TV about the blonde hedgehogs of Alderney the other day - sweet,cuddly, blonde AND prickly. They reminded me of someone...

    1. Who Nilly I'm dying of curiosity? Surely you don't mean Rod 'Frigging' Stewart?