Monday, 28 November 2011

Feast your eyes on this...

and the very best place?

Yes!  You've guessed it...

Debs and I look forward to seeing YOU there

Your County needs YOU

"You 'eard me, on the double
quick march!"


Sunday, 27 November 2011

This wee beastie...

has been living cheek by jowl with me for nigh on ten years.

Hubs has often said
"Time to move on LL"
Speak for... lets get shot!

Today Mary Poppins-like I carried her carefully out.
Sadly her day has come.

When she first came into my life, such a sweet, wee, shrinking violet sort of a seedling thing she was.
Gently I cosseted and cared for her.  She responded well.
She grew and grew and then some.
Boys climbed high, into her wonderful frothy satellite style coiffure...
never to be seen again.

"Jack!" their mothers were heard to cry.

Seeds fell like confetti at a posh wedding.

All was good in the world.

I cut her down to dry and preserve her.  Secure in the knowledge her babies would appear   in the very place their mother had majestically stood.

What I didn't know was...
she had a dark side...
BLACK even.

Not being the brightest or sharpest hoe in the gardener's shed, 
I had no idea.

Her name was GIANT HOGWEED.

How was I to know?  No one had introduced us.
A 'friend' had given her to me as a gift.

Along with Japanese Knotweed her garden cred is zilch...
worse than.
I soon found the error of my foolish trusting ways,
as her offspring popped up everywhere.

Short of a flame Percy Thrower (remember him?) 
I was seriously in horticultural hara-kiri. 

Still for old times sake, and the many jaw-dropping moments she created in my drawing room, I stayed true, only to her you understand?

That is until today.

Sorry, dear trusty pal, I knew you were only doing what comes naturally
and I shall mourn your demise.


Saturday, 26 November 2011

I am delighted to announce...

'Kitsch and Stitch'
Vintage and Makers' 
Christmas Fair
is just a week away.

Ho, bloody Ho, Ho!


Thursday, 24 November 2011

As my stout black lace clad legs...

clambered over the Kent peg tile roof I got to thinking...
'Is it really necessary LL to re-point the chimney?'
All you planned was to ask friends in for coffee after a delightful luncheon at Chapel Down.
Being a bit of a slut (only in the housework department you understand) I always feel the need to not only dust, but hoover as well.
Most times here nothing much moves, well occasionally I may be knocked over by tumbleweed blowing around the oak room; the make up of this, is mainly dog hair and fluff.
Don't get me wrong, I love my home, I really do.  Trouble is, when I know folk are calling in, I love the stage setting of homemaking, not the polishing bit.  I artistically arrange books (shortlisted Booker prize contenders naturally), light candles, bung copies of Mills and Boon's bodice-rippers, old Sporting Life back numbers and dog-eared Daily Males under the sofa.
On which I then Mae West recline, always within reach of a glass of bubbles.
Which neatly (or not so?) gets me to the main part of this post.
Hands up in the past I've been a frightful snob, and I ought to say here that my toppest pet hate is SNOBBERY, so I feel I am really exposing myself to ridicule.

Why?  Because until very recently I've always loathed English wines, not any more I don't.
Chapel Down in Tenterden make the most wonderful wine.  The food is lovely, the staff are superb, my sparkling wine came with the handsome waiter saying " glass of a thousand bubbles for you"


Tuesday, 22 November 2011

The carpet man cometh...

Where Oh where am I going to put my 
many and various vintage treasures?

Piled ready for packing and pricing for our 

Kitsch and Stitch Fair

The Kentish Kilim killing fields...

fitted carpet? 

No more ancient oak floorboards,
where mice popped through the gaps to play croquet with tightly rolled balls of 
discarded Ferro Rocher wrappers.

Am I in danger of becoming horribly suburban?

Why all this upheaval I hear you idly wonder?

And here's the rub...

A 350 year old oak framed cottage on the top of a hill, is fine in the summer.

Call it integrated air con.

In the winter with drafts drifting down your drawers,

wind whistling and parting the ole grey hairs of your tightly permed fizz.

 Call it grim!

needs must.

Oh and by the way...

Yes, another plug.

Never one to miss a trick - me.


Tuesday, 15 November 2011


it is just 18 queueing days 'til

Kent's answer to Kirstie & Monica Galetti's
(I'll leave you to work out which one I am?)
Christmas Extravaganza

I'm just out of the sweat shop having made lots of 
wacky Christmas tree decorations.

Funky bunting and Marilyn bags.

Hessian and bandage are a particular favourite.

Is it any wonder I'm the kitsch one?

But wait...

first I strut my diva much corsetted bod up to the village church.

NO, not to repent my many and various.

To be part of our village church Christmas fair 

This Saturday 19 November
10am - 1pm

I shall look out for you.


Sunday, 13 November 2011

You've heard of speed dating...


as my Sunday morning nibble of choice (Wotsits) went down with the speed of 
a train on the Bakerloo line heading South for Waterloo.
I started reading one of my many 'loves' -

Jay Rayner
'The happy eater'
column in the Food Monthly.

If you haven't already, nip out and get a copy of this Sunday's Observer...
before they get gobbled up.

I nearly choked on my glass of rose
(remind me one day to post a picture of my  
empties lamp collection)

That man is a my sort of a bloke.
Must say though, on Masterchef this last week my heart missed a beat when he offered to make an honest lad of one of the contestants.  

Oh no, don't say I have to add him to my many gay loves?"

Should I now give you an idea of the main thrust of his article?
Or leave you to see for yourselves?

Well I would...
however I just have to nip downstairs and trough my luncheon.


Saturday, 12 November 2011

A flavour of our Saturday...

Looking for a new interest?
"Meet the Village"
Organisations supporting the community, 
such as the Parish Council and the police service, 
will also be present to offer advice.

Opening by the Mayor of Tunbridge Wells
Councillor Elizabeth Thomas

Greg Clark MP will also attend this event

Light refreshments available



I ask you how could we refuse?

Off we trudged up the hill, 
happy to be seen to support our local community.

There was a method in my madness, while Hubs bought our beef from the butcher,
I nipped over to the chemist to buy my 
Dr. Hauschka lotions and potions.
Well, at my age the laughter lines need a little light help.

We then nipped down the alley to my most favourite shop...
Village Life.
Hubs always winces, when I say
"I'm just off to see Kate"
This time, my modus operandi was to take him with me.
Girls will know why.

Then into the village hall we fell.
The sight was truly amazing: why didn't we know what excitements were to be had just a short walk away from our front door?

W.I. - No - Why?  
 After giving hundreds of talks, 
I had a complaint from one of their groups.
  The reason... I said bloody six times.  
In my defence this was a verbatim conversation I was recounting.

Local History Society - Yes - Why?
They meet in the winter and only for a couple of hours once a month.
We can't leave Lettice (our much loved pooch) for long these days.

Quilter's Group - No - Why?
 I caused havoc in the sewing class and don't really feel the 
refined lady quilters are ready for my Bott type strops.  
Plus I don't think my graffiti quilting would go down a storm.

Gardening Club - Maybe - Why?
To avail myself of cheap deals in dung and stuff.
Although my 'let the plants lay out their stall' form of gardening 
might be frowned on by the horticultural great and good.

Local Am Drams - YES - Why?
I'm a BLOODY diva that's why!

I toddled home with a whistle keyring, personal alarm 
and supermarket pound keyring thing,
(Don't they know at Waitrose, they trust their customers not to nick the trolleys?)
all pressed into my hand by the very nice Community Support Officer,
who obviously thought I looked frail and in need of personal protection.
(The blooming diet must be working)

All safely back I brewed coffee, then waddya know,
it was time for the papers and wotsits.

Alright I know... thunder thighs.


Sunday, 6 November 2011

Just like jewels in jelly...


Every bone and sinew in my spoilt only-child bod. screams out

'Don't tell LL!'

However I feel I must share with you my most wonderful ebay friend...

Over many years I have bought the most wonderous things from Jean.
A huge carpet bag, rag rugs, my wonderful HUGE Royal Ontario Museum velvet curtain, lamp shades, material to covert and coo over. The list just goes on.

Until now I've been horribly and unashamedly keeping her to myself!  However after receiving this most adorable Victorian patchwork bedspread in the post this week, I feel the time has come to grow up and share her with you.

She is on my favourites list and if its material and interesting bits you're after I suggest you do the same!