The phone glows WHITE HOT...

Why?

Ted has a special birthday today.

This was us on Ted's treat to me for my special birthday.

'Do you want me to tell the world at large you're fifty?' (fib)

'No thank you!'

'Okay!'

Look I'm a party animal to the power of...

a lot!

So imagine my dismay at his request of no fuss, no surprise parties,

no expensive 3 Michelin star dinners, luncheons, afternoon teas.

My crest has never been more fallen.

Our weekend has comprised of friends round yesterday for a bon voyage

lunch, before she sets off to N.Z.

I was just so good, I didn't even tell them it was hubs birthday.

Well not until we'd cracked open the bottle

 of bubbly, then my mouth and trousers default setting clicked in.

'ted's s****** tomorrow!

It just had to be done, didn't it?

Family from far and wide have phoned, even a friend who phoned to ask me something sensible, rare I know, I even had to tell her.  

'Happy Birthday Ted!... now about this problem of mine!'

Lettice has partaken in our very minor family festivities,

she's enjoyed the crab bits left over from the crab cakes I've made for our 

Oh so, understated lunch.

Dinner tonight by special request, is slow-roasted hand of pork;

no worries that the stove being on all day, will have emptied an Arabian

oil well.

Nectarine, blueberry and strawberry tarte tatin, 

served with clotted cream and custard.

Furred up arties here we come.

'But doctor if I give up all these unhealthy foods, will I live longer?'

'No, it'll just seem that way!'

The old ones are the best.

Our two days fasting will more than make up for our excesses,

especially as holier than thou, we've been on it since the programme was aired back in August last year.

I bought Ted for his birthday an all singing, all dancing chair for his

Star-Trek Enterprise computer set-up (three computers and a docking station for Daleks), in our cyber eyrie.

The old one he suggested we give to the Scouts jumble sale on in the village hall yesterday.

'That's a good idea, sit on it and ride it up the hill to break yourself in, 

in readiness for the day you take delivery of your mobility scooter!'

Ever helpful me!

Happy birthday Ted!