If I had net curtains I'd...

twitch them.

Call me a nosy neighbour I don't care!

A flavour of my day here in darkest Kent.

Living on the top of a hill, I look down on  people.

The day always starts by my looking out of my cyber-eyrie window,
to see if my  neighbour's kitchen window is open 
and there is washing on the line.

The reason for this is, these kind folks were the
ones who stopped me from taking flight when I moved
to the snobbiest village in Kent,
ten years ago next month.

They are the lovielest neighbours you could ever
wish for.  From the North East with humour to match.
I love them both with a passion.
They are both elderly (who isn't!)
and in failing health.

My reason for night and morning looking out
is to see if they are up and about.

With drawers flapping in the breeze (theirs)
I can relax.

I have informed them of my 
busy-body qualities.

Oh, how hard I try to limit my phone calls
to once a week.

***

Jumping in my Smart I roar off to 'work'
Tuesdays are my days in the shop.

Today, not really a good day,
because I just wasn't in the 
'Can I help you modom?' mode.

Mrs Slocombe... yes.

In a past life as a buyer for a wholefood co-operative
in York, it was well known for me to
stand on a box in the bakery and say

'I'm bored!'

As a shop volunteer
 you are expected to dust.

'Dust?'

said in my very best 
Lady Bracknell voice.

'I don't even dust at home!'

I love the people side of the volunteering
work I do.

Things I've said to folk today...

One customer in a wheelchair said 

'Don't worry I won't be doing a runner!'

To which I replied

'How fast is that machine?'

'4 mph!'

'As fat as I am, I'd easily
catch you at that speed, so
just don't even think about it!'

Another gentleman asked if we had
maps.

'Of Scotney?'

'No of all the N.T. properties.'
he gruffly replied.

I took him over to where the maps were

'Is this what you were looking for?'

'How much?'

'They're free!'

Opening it up he very crossly said

'Not as good as the last one I bought!'

My matronly bosom rose as I couldn't
resist the reposte...

'Never look a gift horse in the mouth!'

His mouth opened and closed,
his wife laughed and like many men 
who've crossed my path before
 probably thought...

'She's a handful!'

Smiling I left them to it.

Standing behind the till, I looked up into the
face of a very tall
woman. At first sight it was obvious
smiles hadn't featured much in the life.
Beaming brightly I returned her
pugnacious stare.

'We haven't got a bag large enough, can you manage like that,
 or would you like a carrier bag for five pence?'

'No!'

Smiling ever more sweetly I managed to find a recycled
coffin-sized plastic bag and carefully placed them in there.
Wordless she stalked off.

'Thank you!'
I said as she departed.

After a chat with two ladies of a smilar vintage
to me, one of them said

'Do you have a Visitors Book, everyone here has
been so friendly!'

'No I'm afraid we don't, although you are very welcome
to fill in a comment form and don't forget to let me
have your address for me to send you the tenner!'

*'My name is Linda, shall I spell that for you...

L I N D A!' *

Walking back to my car I spied a group
having an afternoon picnic in the shade of 
the walled garden.

'You've picked a lovely shady spot there!
I said

'You going to come and join us?'

'How about coming and sitting with
me on the rug?'

'What a cheek!'
 one of the ladies said, it's not even his blooming rug. 

Another said...

'Once he got down there, he'd never get up!'

'Don't worry, he wouldn't be able to afford my prices!'

I said as I walked away, with
their laughter ringing in my ears.

Just a taster of how not to be a volunteer.

* That last sentence re. my name was a whopper!*  All the rest is true.