How to pass the time when...

waiting for weekend guests to arrive.

Picture the scene...

for the first time this year the house is clean.

Dusted and polished to within an inch of its life.

When the family come to stay,

 I just drift around spraying the air with Pledge...
not this time though.

These are real guests!

I'm, Fanny in this house,

Ted is the char, butler, sommelier and K.P.

Johnnie come lately to Fanny's

demands.

When I complained about not having a

K.P. in a past life.

A man who shall be nameless

said in a very regal tone

'K.P? What do you mean?'

'Kitchen Porter... err...... Sir!'

'Oh I thought you meant 

Kensington Palace!'

Anyway I digress.

The house is ready, I'm clean and chilled

under my barrow load of slap.

Tea?

'Yes please!'

 I grandly replied 

'Shall we have some

Victoria sponge?

'I don't think so, we'll be eating far too much 

over the next few days!'

said his master's voice of reason.

I hate clever sods don't you?

The butler then disappears for his afternoon

time off.

I sit fragrant in my King's chair

idly wondering what to do to while 

away the time before their arrival...

I know I'll have an Elizabeth Shaw

mint with my tea...

Is it any wonder I'm so damn fat?