Saturday, 29 September 2012

Ten things I'm going to do...

when I win the lottery.

1.    Remember where I put the ticket.

2.    I am going to employ a full-time (like every day of the week) permanent plucker.
Why?  Because each and every morning... 
my moustache and goatee have sprouted in the night. 

3.    I'm commissioning Grayson Perry to make me pots, muriels and frocks.

4.    My court jester and muse will be the irascible and curmudgeonly...
Alan Bennett.

5.    His 'son' (well, in my book he could so easily be!)
Nigel Slater will be my cook.
I will try with every fibre of my being, not to keep changing the 
numbers expected for dinner.
This has happened too many times to me in the past,
to think it is even vaguely acceptable!

6.    Victoria Beckham I will employ to design each season's
collection for my stick insects.

7.    I will also have a trainer who will stand in for me each morning
to do my physical jerks.
After they have changed and showered,
 I will expect them to serve me a full English breakfast

8.    I will take great delight in getting full publicity,
only so my lovely pal Viv 
can turn all the begging letters into magical 
works of art.  See her work if you don't believe me!

9.    Give, give, give, without worrying about whether it's tax deductible.

10.    Sign up for a crash course in modesty and decorum.


Excuse me while I delve ever deeper 
into the back of the sofa to find a quid for a ticket.

I wouldn't mind, but it's all a load of balls.


  1. thought you might start a retirement home for unloved sack trucks...I mean,some people are hard hearted enough to actually SELL them on eBay, how sad is that for those poor old trucks...??

    1. Ooooooh! Don't remind me I'm still pining. There's a huge void in my heart and my garage..... but wait... the money has been spent already on a pond for my latest love... frogs. I'm nothing if not fickle. Just wish I could get close enought to plant a kiss.


  2. Hilarious Linda cheered me up a treat! x

    1. Glad you enjoyed it Jayne. I just wish I knew where all this tosh comes from?


  3. Aaaah, Grayson - just gay enough - my favourite too. Pity about Alan & Nigel...

    1. What is it with me and interesting men I wonder? Out of those three I really couldn't put a fag paper between them... I'm lying... Alan is my toppest top man. I just adore him and whenever I'm in Camden, (which, in fairness, has only been once in recent times!) I lurk about on street corners, laying in wait for him to tootle by on his bike. I walk into lamp-posts scanning the crowd for just a glimpse of the great man. It must be love!


  4. Replies
    1. Hi Debs, you still sewing for the Christmas Kitsch and Stitch? (Note the plug!)

      Lunch here soon?


  5. Wonderful! Especially the bit about Alan Bennett and his "son" Nigel..........