Sunday, 24 June 2012

Ted's hot date with...

Miss Tena...

Inspector Clouseau like he left the house...
'There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them'

moustache stuck on with Pritt On & Off pads,
toupee with Sellotape Sticky Fixers.
Collar turned up, being ever vigilant not to blow his cover, he furtively climbed into his 
camouflaged Nissan Micra.
Roaring past our local chemist, he drove at speeds not in excess of twenty three mph.
This was a covert mission after all! 

My words of 
'Order them from Jag at our local pharmacy'
falling on deaf ears.
The wig was muffling all sound.

Parking under a tree in the gloomiest corner of the car park,
off he hopped.
Hopped?  He'd caught his foot in the hem of his 
Aquascrotum trench coat
bought three sizes too big at his local Oxfam shop.

Furtively he sidled up to the young assistant in  
our local town's Timothy Whites.
'Psst... out of the corner of his mouth he whispered
Tena Incontinence Pads to the uninitiated.
'Not for me you understand, nor yet the wife...
the dog!'

The deal was done; out he came carrying the single bed size carrier bag,
flushed with the success of a mission accomplished.

We will all sleep easy tonight, especially Lettice.

Disclaimer - I did clear it with him this morning sat up in bed
His reply...
'It'll be more interesting than your philosophical ones!'


  1. Ah Tena Lady (albeit now in pastel colours) is all we have to dream of after the last tampon is flushed away...

  2. Oh dear... the problem isn't ours, it really is Lettice. I know, I know... 'The lady doth protest too much!'

    Lettice is becoming increasingly elderly, having had a number of doggie strokes. Ted gets up at 3am to let her out as her bladder function isn't what it used to be. An occasional patch on her bed occurs... so we use the pads to keep her dry.

    The thing that made me smile, was the fact that hubs wasn't keen to get them from our village chemist!

    We are in the meantime becoming STIR CRAZY as seen by my ever more bizarre posts.


  3. Poor Lettice, very impressed that hubby went for them! jx

  4. Hello Jayne, me too... that was why I felt I had to get prior consent to share this info.

    We now, don't get to go anywhere together. A weekly game of badmington, taking one and a half hours there and back, is about the strength of it. She's worth it, having shared so much with me; if you've read the 'Lettice's Birthday' post you'll know why.

    Ted loves her as much as me, silly I know because at the end of the day as Simon used to say...
    'She's just a dog!' and she is, but a very special one for all that.


  5. Hmmm...not sure that I believe the shaggy dog story. Badminton involves a lot of leaping around and running, doesn't it...?

  6. Yes it does and a 'Tena Bed Underpad, Super 60x60 cm item of attire is not to be recommended.

    Got cold feet about my last comment so spiked it. Fools and angels came to mind! I'll let you guess which one I am?