I'm a serial...

No, NO, no!
Not that sort...
'Crafting also-ran'
In my jungly garden this morning I got to thinking; 
so deep in thought was I, that along with my tea I swallowed a fly...
'There was an old woman...


How many things over the years have I decided to try?


Here goes


1.  Spinning, knitting and crochet;
in my defence here I will say, that my crafting put food on the table.
In the early eighties I lived a self-sufficient life up on the NW coast of Scotland.
Fleece aplenty, winters of snow and mizzerly rain.
What better way than to sit by the peat fired Rayburn,
making things to sell to the tourists in the summer.


2.  Dress making; trouble was I always felt terribly home-made.
These were the days when home-made wasn't trendy.


3.  Beekeeping; fine 'til I got horribly stung one Saturday night 
when fresh from a bath, fragrant and smelling of perfume,
I decided to check the bees.
In their defence, as I gently prised the lid off, they did give me a warning
buzzzzzz.
No worries LL, you'll be fine!
With no veil, wearing just a floaty kaftan in I went...
And out they came...
Bees boiling out of a hive is not a sight or sound I want to hear ever again.
I ran screaming down the garden, being stung as I went.
Aaron my son has probably been scarred for life at the sight of his daffy mum being pursued.  And, worse than that, the sight of my naked plumpteous bod
revealed, as I oh so carefully tried to remove my floating 'little' number without squashing anymore angry bees.


That night I thought I was going to die.
The doctor said you need committing to a mental asylum
his exact words!
Beekeeping bit the dust.


4.  Felting...
I've been on two different courses,
naturally buying all the tackle.
I did it for a while then found I could buy
wonderful felt without the faff of suds'n'stuff from
Annie The Felt Fairy
(on my sidebar)
Me being me, I didn't buy just a few colours to try, 
I bought the whole blooming colour chart.


5.  Badge making...
Bought all the gear, probably at least two hundred pounds worth.
I did knock out lots of badges and they sold well.
Then my interest waned.


6.  Sewing - Serious
not my 'that'll do' approach!
Debs of pretty goods
got me on the straight and narrow.
Even now as I sit at my machine her words come back.
Trouble is...
Can I remember how to make a cushion with zip?
Can I heck as like!


7.  Customising denim...
this started when a friend asked me to repair her jeans.
As I struggled with getting the patch high up in the crotch area,
I had a brain wave and embroidered...
'muff'
She'll never see it and if anyone else does, 
they'll be too blooming close for comfort.
What was the first thing she saw?
And on the strength of that I got my first commission.
I ought to say now I haven't made a habit of embellishing four letter words.
Wherever I go I get comments about my different customised items of apparel.
No one ever wants to part with spondolicks for my efforts though.


8.  Viv's Haberdashery brooch making workshop...
where yours truly swans in, not content to make a brooch,
just a family history happening on a velvet door curtain.
Viv did have the courage to suggest ever so diplomatically that
the colour was wrong, the size etc.
Pointing me in the direction of a lovely silky Irish linen (I think)
smallish table cloth.
After yesterday's debacle with the Witney blanket, 
am I pleased she did, it's taken me months to get to here.

9.  Woodcarving...
How could I forget that?
Years ago I signed up for classes.
My grandfather who was a bank manager by day,
 had spectacular skills as a wood carver by night

this is an example.

So I naturally assumed that his talent would ooze

out of every pore of my body...

Wrong!  It took me a whole term to

carve a Tudor rose.

Yes you've guessed it, that mad cap scheme bit the dust.


10.  Angel making - that didn't take off!

Time to re-evaluate LL...
watching the Grayson Perry programme on class
(the first one)
GP asked a guy how much he had spent on each tattoo,
to which he replied about a thousand pounds a pop.
'Would you spend that much on a piece of artwork?'
The lad nearly fell off his chair in horror.
Those of you who are still with me,
( and thank you for that)
will probably guess where this convoluted tale is going...
Yes, I'm going to put my hands up to the fact, my 'talent' isn't 
as great as I like to kid myself, flog what flotsam and jetsam
swirl around my studio; spending the money on what other more talented people do.


What do you think?