Fasting...

Last August, Ted and I watched

a very interesting Horizon programme.

The doctor Michael Mosley

was expounding the virtues on the body

to following a two day fast.

Sitting on the sofa like Tweedle Dee

and Tweedle Dum.

We looked at each other and decided there and then

 from that day on, that is exactly what we would do.

Pretty much for a year we have followed it.

Pretty much?

Let me explain...

Over the course of the year,

it caught on.

We founder members felt smug when

folk started talking about it.

'Oh yes, well we've been on it since last 

summer!'

Ted was doing it more for the health

reasons, his last two blood tests have 

proved it's worked.

However Butterball here

has slowly gained weight.

Personally I blame it pretty much

on my palazzo pants.

'Argh?'

You say entering stage right, scratching your head.

The image I realise of a sixty + in

Bollywood floppy trousers isn't perhaps 

a good look...

however, elasticated waists are the way forward

in my world.

Shifts slashed to the muff and beyond,

when worn with the aforesaid flowing breeks,

are decorous for a daft tart of declining years.

The problem lay, under the output of

one whole Lancashire cotton mill...

Okay call them baggy.

The bod was growing; the elastic like the train

was taking the strain.

The lass in this sad tale i.e. me,

was dutifully fasting two days, and yes 

you've guessed it, filling her boots

on the others.

Ted, a man, was doing what men do.

Routine is a bloke's comfort blanket.

Marmite on one slice of dry toast

Monday to Friday.

Wait for it...

two slices with butter and jam 

at the weekend.

By now sylph-like,

the job for him was a goodun.
Naturally, I hated him with
a passion.

Me?

Once a week, in the early light

I creep down,

do as many of the necessaries

as is humanly possible.

Cross to the studio,

strip off and as gently as a mouse,

lightly step onto the scales.

The truth is, I'm slowly

podging.

I've decided to call it the

Dorian Grey Diet.

I'm the one in the attic,
Ted meanwhile, is 
youthful and looking 
 good for his advancing years.