Royal Tunbridge Wells.
I should have been a bag lady.
Time enough I suppose.
This morning, at sparrow fart
I was up.
Always one to jump on a band wagon
I thought I'll do what others bloggers do...
I'll make a video of the early morning garden.
Off I trot, mug of tea in one hand,
camera in t'other.
Mindful of turning off the
water canon (Scarcrow) I proceeded
up the garden.
As it's early I stop myself from crying
'Camera, ACTION!'
My voice drops to a husky whisper
in order not to wake the slumbering dead.
You always feel so blooming self-righteous
when you're the only person up.
Bit like I suppose, how it must feel
when you're sober and every one else is ratted.
Nothing is missed, every boring detail is recorded.
Steven Spielberg I slip
smugly back into the slumbering cottage.
I attach my equipment to the laptop and wait for the
film clip to download.
The photo's of Lettice in the grass
are done.
I wait...
I wait...
I wait a bit more,
it's tummy's still rumbling so
it must be working...
mustn't it?
I hit the movie icon,
fiddled with a few things...
Aaaagh...
what is that?
Have I made a horror movie?
Who exactly is this old tart sitting here in front of the laptop...
Me!
Double...
Aaaaagh!
The mirror in the bathroom has obviously been lying.
The only way forward as I see it,
and if push comes to shove, I'd rather not
is... to
Celebrate the wrinkles, stuff my belongings
into a bag and take to the open road.
I must confess I've always had yen for
tramps, added to which,
at least I'll look the part.
What happened about the video?
You may well ask!
Haven't got a clue...
After the shock of the old crone
in the early morning light, I sort of lost interest
in my artisticals.
☹✌☹
Who exactly is this old tart sitting here in front of the laptop...
Me!
Double...
Aaaaagh!
The mirror in the bathroom has obviously been lying.
The only way forward as I see it,
and if push comes to shove, I'd rather not
is... to
Celebrate the wrinkles, stuff my belongings
into a bag and take to the open road.
I must confess I've always had yen for
tramps, added to which,
at least I'll look the part.
What happened about the video?
You may well ask!
Haven't got a clue...
sunk without trace!
It's in there somewhere,
Am I bothered?
It's in there somewhere,
Am I bothered?
After the shock of the old crone
in the early morning light, I sort of lost interest
in my artisticals.
☹✌☹
I can so relate to this. People have always told me how young I look for my age. Whenever shaving, brushing my teeth or whatever, I would think I don't look so bad...
ReplyDeleteThen one day I took a mirror outside. I had a tooth that was bothering me and wanted to see if I could tell what was wrong. I couldn't see anything wrong with the tooth, BUT, oh jeez, I looked 20 years older than I looked inside.
Morning David, perish the thought I would have made a video with me in it. No chance! The image was of yours truly, sat patiently waiting for something to happen. Boy did it make me jump... A picture of Doris Gray.
DeleteI've always cracked on about botox and facelifts and how I never would. After today's horror, I can at least start to understand the reasons why some might. Not for me: grow old gracefully or in my case disgracefully, much more fun.
LLX
No hair dye, Botox or face lift for me either unless I have a huge change of heart. It doesn't look natural. My sister is 13 years older than me and she comes home occasionally. At a distance she looks younger than I do. But it's a lot like beverages with artificial sweetener, there's something that is just not quite right.
DeleteArtificial anything I'm against David, especially sweetener!
DeleteLLX
Oh Linda, I do love your posts and boy do they make me laugh out loud, only you (and I) could create a cinematic masterpiece and then not be able to find it!! I am forever taking images of my feet, fingers and sky somehow! David Bailey I am not! I can also relate to your comments about looking in the bathroom mirror. On a good day I think not too bad for an old bird. If you see yourself in a mirror in a shop, I think who the hell is that and then realise it is me! No hope! x
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind Jayne, but I once did a video of me (soft focus naturally, oh and narrow-angled lens), with this camera, alright it was years ago AND I didn't have this posy Apple Mac! I even managed to download it and send it. Can I remember how I did it, can I hell?
DeleteThese days if ever there's a camera about I go and hide behind a four hundred year old oak. Why that age? In order for the trunk to hide mine!
LLX
I have a super 10 x magnification mirror for plucking warts etc and it's fab because you can only see a small bit of face at one time. A bit Picasso but still..... There is a tramp who sits on a bench near Iceland in TUn Wells; perhaps he has need of an understudy or two :)
ReplyDeleteWarts? You a witch? We may have met at the Rusthall coven, a week last Tuesday?
DeleteLLX
I have the same bathroom mirror.... Amazing.
ReplyDeleteThink I look half decent then catch a glimpse in a shop window.
The worst is the vanity mirror, passenger side in the car.... Where did those chin hairs come from?
Julie x
You go out dressed to thrill, then in a certain light you spy a bristling hemp jobby, happily waving in time with your chin as you chat. And where are the pluckers? At home, of course!
DeleteLLX