Friday, 19 July 2013

You just feel it in your water when...

the ghastly signs of ageing 
are there for all to see.

1.   Pottering in the garden wearing mauve
gardening gloves and pink sunhat, looking all the world like
Barbara Cartland

'The right diet directs sexual
energy into the parts that matter'

2.   Falling madly in love with gay men;
no need to wear a hard hat and
high vis vest.

3.   Laughing so hard you give yourself a problem,
well two actually...
You start wheezing, 
Lettice's Tena pads become strangely appealing!

4.  Reading other peoples' blogs
remind you of things that have happened
to you i.e. John Grey's blog today
about the baby rabbit.
Must remember to tell you of the bunnikins 
I reared in the Highlands.
This neatly leads me to No 5.

5.   Always having so many funny things
to tell; folk begin to think you're a
Walter Mitty character
or an flash monkey,
(not sure which is worse?)

6.   Men not looking at you twice,
well in my case they still do...
'What is she wearing?'
writ large in their eyes.

7.   Saying outrageous things, 
which I've done all my life.
Problem now is, strangers think...
'Has the old girl lost the plot?'
What they don't know is, I never had the 
frigging thing in the first place!

8.   A glass of Madeira before dinner*

9.   When your chin needs more attention
than the old man's.

10.   Having a regular date with the
chiropractor; before you know it,
monthly sessions will be diarised (awful word) for the
flaming chiropodist

11.   Deep inside you can feel your hatred
of dahlias, dying.

(Husband No 6* used to buy me roadside-sold maroon dahlias
{a more miserable colour for 
a flower you couldn't wish to have!} 
How I stopped myself from sticking them up his compost heap
I'll never know!
  Next , you'll be eyeing up chrysanthemums.

12.   Lusting after men for their brains
instead of their bodies.

13.   Unlucky for some...
Your bosoms growing
exponentially larger than
the rest of you.

14.   Reading the travel sections
and knowing you've been to more places,
seen more things than is good for a girl.

Happy and content is the
best destination...
I've arrived!  


* Same old porkies!


  1. Oh, I love your blog so much, I love this post in particular, made me smile so much. Darling, you are marvellous. I adored Barbara Cartland, although I never read a single one of her books. I also adore Fanny Craddock.

    1. Oh my giddy aunt, me marvellous; you having a fit with your leg in the air... again!

      Don't get me on about Fanny; more and more, I feel like I'm morphing into her, not as attractive, mind!


  2. I can identify with this post on so many levels Linda. Don't ever change, we love you just the way you are!

    1. Me change, you 'aving a larff Jayne? The only way I'll change... is to get worse. There's got to be some perks to getting decrepit!


  3. I am laughing so much my Pinot is dribbling down my chin (at least the one I can see) Honest it is the Pinot!! x

    1. We believe you, don't we girls? Chin, chin!


  4. Phew, 6 husbands!
    Aaah - nearly missed that asterisk!

    1. It's 26* actually! Whenever Ted asks me anything, it's ALWAYS 26. I have this thing about saying wrong stuff i.e. I call the fridge t'oven, I could go on...............


  5. LL, everything about your blog screams that you are in a good place. That's what makes it magic :)

    1. Yes Carol, I am in a good place. I'm lucky that I have been blessed with a cheery disposition. Even when the s**t hits the fan, I'm still chuckling while I'm ducking. Celebrate each day, even if on occasions it's BLOOMING difficult.


  6. Husband number 6?
    You game old gal

  7. I am game for much of what life has to offer, although I do draw the line at 6 husbands. You probably didn't notice the tiny * which denotes a stonking fib.

    Life's odd enough, as you know, without having to lie, added to which I can't even remember my name some days, so remembering which porkie I told to whom is completely out of the question.