Check list of...

things I want to do before I die...

Sit on the front row of a major couture house

in my size 20 M&S elasticated waist palazzo pants

Find a perfume I really like, that suits me,

and doesn't have all the dogs of the neighbourhood following me down the street

Say and do exactly what I want without fear of giving offence

Not get my knickers in a twist about the state of the world

Not give a flying fig if folk think I'm rough

Show I care without thinking its a chink in my armour

Look in the mirror and appreciate the me that looks back

Open my mouth and put both feet in

Say 'Can you lend me a hand'

Admit I'm not super woman and I have feet of clay

Not feel guilty when I swear in a totally inappropriate situation

Celebrate who I actually am, as opposed to who I'd like you to think I am

Not always try to show people a good time

Flop around all day in my jim-jams without fear of folks thinking I'm a slut

Not think... 'I wish I hadn't said that!'

Look at girls going out in the winter with hardly a stitch on
and not think 'Your muff will catch a chill'

Not instinctively pull my tummy in when a handsome bloke hoves into view

Kick the strong work ethic into touch, by not being on the rack of guilt
when flopped on the sofa

Try to live by this maxim...

Sew pockets in my shroud,

in order to get the first round in on arrival.