clad in Jaeger tartan trews and cashmere jumper:
my eyes like Exocet missiles locked onto her orange face.
Iron grey helmet hair, brown bod, thick pan stick foundation
clinging for grim death into every crack and crevice.
Mesmerised was I by the only curly hair on her head,
which sadly, resided on her chin.
Not a word of chat found their way into my brain,
as with every word the long hair jiggled and wiggled.
How I stopped myself from leaning across and with finger and thumb
plucking out the offending item.
Did she know, was she proud, did she care?
On arrival home, my stout legs thundered up to my cyber-eyrie;
with the full glare through the window in my MOD strength magnifying mirror.
I inspected my visog.
Relief washed over me...
Not guilty!
If you meet me and you see an escapee
from my rigid plucking regime making a dash for freedom,
please what ever you do, don't be shy, draw my attention
to the offending item.
I will be eternally grateful.
one of my fondest memories of togetherness is that when my lovely mum was in hospital towards the end, she got very worried about something and it took me ages to coax the problem from her "if I go into a coma" she said very quietly "will you check my chin for hairs?"
ReplyDeleteAaah! What a sad, sad story. Did she? Did you?
DeleteLLX
That made me really smile as yesterday morning I spent a good 10 minutes trying to spot my regular chin escapee. The fact that it is white does not make me sigh with relief but only panic if I miss it!
ReplyDeleteThe white ones are the killers cos you can't always see them, plus they have attitude.
DeleteLLX
Oh no! I'm not looking forward to this. With my poor close vision I shall need a super 10x magnifyer to see the strays. I can't even put my mascara on without getting black dots all over my eyelids!
ReplyDeleteAnd to think Debs I was just on the cusp of copying!
DeleteLLX
Try being a chap, at a certain age all of the hair migrates from one's head and takes up retirement residence on back, shoulders, ears and nostrils. I have no idea what evolution intends for me in future decades other than, perhaps, some sort of straggly floor-mop with a shiny head motif. I could take up residence in an orang-utan reserve and not look out of place.
ReplyDeleteDid I forget to mention the unceasing war that my hitherto independent eyebrows are now waging on the common ground above my nose?
Life is cruel, cruel enough to drive away all memories of Nanny's cruelty.
A quiet pluck dear boy, that or leave well alone and hope that monobrows will feature large on the catwalk at next year's London fashion week.
ReplyDeleteLLX
So pleased to see that you and Mr OW have met!
ReplyDeleteeeeh linda, we have just had tears streaming down our eyes as I read your latest offering to T. The replies are hilarious too! I live in fear of escapees and have purchased a max strength magnifying mirror which actually has a good side - when I have finished plucking I turn it over to the 'good' side and then think I don't look too bad after all! jayne x
ReplyDeleteGood idea Jayne, I'll definitely try that. There is one mirror in the house that has a very genial outlook; I often rub it, no not to clean it silly! Just in the hope its first cousin genie will appear and grant me three wishes.
DeleteLLX
I have been asked in the staffroom in the recent past if I had a pair of tweezers for just such a situation, and how frustrating it is to realise that you have a straggler but nothing to remove it with (and of course then forget about it once you get home). The moral here is always carry tweezers with you - you can also double it up for use as spelk remover!
ReplyDeleteOoh! I can tell you're a teacher Glynis, cos I had to look that word up. Spelk will now feature large in all my further blogs, don't you just love learning new words.
DeleteI honestly think that's the mark of a true friend; the one that discreetly draws your attention to the fact that your chin is on overdrive in the hemp marking department.
LLX
P.S. Just had a 'orrible fort your knot a English teacher are you?
Oh dear, already my nerves have made me put marking instead of making. A Freudian slip perhaps? Marks out of ten?
DeleteLLX
I'm not a teacher so don't worry about anything (I do work in a school though).
ReplyDeleteAnd I hadn't realised that 'spelk' was specificallly a north-eastern word until I looked it up following your comment.