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Friday 4 October 2013

After a lifetime of always...

looking on the bright side,
and in the main succeeding,
I've hit a sodding great rock face.
My face is flattened, my head is pounding;
not unlike Jerry in the Tom and Jerry
cartoons where he falls back...
flat, squashed, squished.

The reason is...
Lettice.
She is coming to the end of her days;
thin, eating, but sometimes bringing it
all back up again.

This morning taking her out for her little stroll,
we were slower than usual. 

She has taken to sitting out in the utility room,
where as the weather changes, you have to ask yourself...
'Is this a good idea?'

This old dog that everyone looks at with
pity when out walking, doesn't seem so bad
when back at home.

Last night I looked up attaxia, and the right time
to euthanise your elderly dog.

With head in hands and tears ready to fall, 
the expression that jumped out of the page was
'It is better to be a week early, than a day late!'

I've always said I would do the right thing by her
and I will.  But how blooming hard that is to
implement.

People say she will tell you.
I just don't want to leave it until she cries
out trying to tell me.






17 comments:

  1. Oh Linda, you know all our thoughts are with you. This is such a difficult decision for you.I know you and Ted will know when the time is right. Don't over think it xx

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    Replies
    1. Carol, you've hit the nail on the head... I do over think most things.

      This morning she is laying on her bed looking very content with life.

      LLX

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  2. Oh good gravy, there's no easy way to know and no time when it will feel better. Is she still enjoying any of life at all or has that gone? It's a fine balance and a hurtful one. Thinking of you all.

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    Replies
    1. Ian, in answer to your question, yes she is still getting something out of life.
      In fact as I sit at the table typing your reply, she has got out of bed with tail wagging asking for brekkie.

      I meanwhile am cracking with the strain, my head is fit to burst with constant headaches and my heart feels like a ruddy great rock has taken up residence. Old ladylike Lettice has the aroma of wee without the top notes of lavender... you get the picture I'm sure? Thank you for your thoughts, isn't this just what is so good about the blogging community, you make such good
      chums.

      LLX

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  3. Such a difficult decision, I think you and Ted will know when the time has come Linda. Thinking of you all, she is such a treasure..... sometimes life is so, so hard.

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    Replies
    1. Jayne, I pride myself on being such a toughy-toffo, the reality is so much different! With what's happening in the world, this is a mere bagatelle. Telling myself that, doesn't make it any easier though!

      LLX

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  4. So sorry for you, I know from personal experience what a hard decision you face. Could you ask the vet for a home visit to assess Lettice? Then you can act on her/his advice, impartial and caring.

    Love

    Jean xx

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    Replies
    1. Hello Julie, yes we have had him out once before, when she had the first attaxia attack, we thought it was the end. He arrived, Lettice barked and he said there's no way she's is ready for the off yet. He is the kindest, loveliest man and knows our values. Just hope he is on duty when the final call has to be made.

      LLX

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  5. The end of life is never neat and tidy - muddle and guilt feature quite a bit in my experience. Don't leave it too long. Poor Lettice, poor you.

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    Replies
    1. Muddle and guilt, I like that Nilly. That could so well encapsulate my life.

      Yesterday I was certain the call would go out to the vet to come next week...
      today I'm not so sure? That is the problem, doing it too early and the guilt that ensues, or doing it too late and experiencing the same feelings.

      What a bugger's muddle.

      LLX

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  6. Oh Lin....... I think she'll look at you and 'tell' you that she has had enough, then you'll know. Thinking of you xxx

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  7. Oh Lin....... I think she'll look at you and 'tell' you that she has had enough, then you'll know. Thinking of you xxx

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    Replies
    1. Quarter to one in the morning Debs, I'm not surprised you hit it twice! Sewing eyes?

      Yes, you are right, this morning she looks bright and perky... it's just me now that is as usual, over-thinking it... no surprise there!

      LLX

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  8. Such a hard decision......our old dog is coming to that stage too. Thinking of you x

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    Replies
    1. I've made Ted promise to not give in to my whinging and moaning for us to get another dog. Lettice has been so special, and I honestly think no other dog would replace her.

      I'm sad for you Jacqui, that you will soon be coming face to face with that awful decision... it's so blooming hard to rationalise.

      LLX

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  9. There with you.
    Haven't had it with a dog for a long time but have faced it with an oh-so dearly beloved horse and was pleased to be earlier rather than later.
    It was such an honour to be alongside him in death, not an emotion I had expected.
    I hope someone can do the same for me
    xx

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  10. This made me think of my lovely dog Bobby - he had cancer, we were due to go off and get married/honeymoon for a month. I didn't feel it was right to put him down before we went because it seemed like it was a "convenience" yet when we came back he was so ill. But then it was Christmas and it didn't seem right to put him down then either. On Boxing Day the whole family went for a walk and Bobby enjoyed himself so much he even went for a swim in the river and was so proud of himself - but the next day, oh so ill, it was time for him to go. Your quote "better a week early than a day late" struck a chord with me. xx

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