picture the scene...
I'm with one hand poking wotsits down my throat as
fast as particles in the Cern.
Am I hoping for Higgs Boson?
Who knows?
The speed increases with the strop levels,
as I sit reading the advertisement in the FT's
travel unravelled
how to spend it special travel edition.
All lower case cos, well to be honest I don't know?
Perhaps that is how you are, when you are achingly rich.
How would I know any road?
Open the magazine and what do you see...
this...
The words in case you can't see them are...
'Why this watch?
This watch is a witness. To words that moved nations.
It's dared men faster. Further.
Worn by luminaries. Visionaries. Champions.
It doesn't just tell time. It tells history.'
Err... it tells me that these people
have been given a free frigging watch...
What does it tell you?
Open the magazine and what do you see...
this...
The words in case you can't see them are...
'Why this watch?
This watch is a witness. To words that moved nations.
It's dared men faster. Further.
Worn by luminaries. Visionaries. Champions.
It doesn't just tell time. It tells history.'
Err... it tells me that these people
have been given a free frigging watch...
What does it tell you?
That has to be the be the best reason ever not to buy a Rolex. I won one once. Seriously. After I left the Army in 1990 I raced motorcycles in Germany. In order to fund this shortlived obession (I kept crashing), I opened a dealership in Bielefeld and in my first year became the top Ducati salesman in Germany. I was invited down to the superbike race at Hockenheim by the importer, royally entertained and was then presented with a gold Rolex.
ReplyDeleteAfterwards (naturally I was discreet while all the publicity photos were being taken) I told them I did not want a gold Rolex. I told them I hated gold Rolexes and any spiv who wore one. I told them that any customer walking into my dealership and seeing me wearing one of those would automatically assume he was about to be ripped off. A gold Rolex, I told them, is not going to help me sell more Ducati motorcycles. They were impressed. So they gave me an SP4 racing Ducati instead.
I crashed it.
You discreet... never! At least the motorcycle was more up your street; well that is until you crashed it into Angel Merkel.
DeleteLLX
It does not just tell the time. Indeed. It tells you that the wearer is a plonker. Even in their day they were, as Hipp says, made for spivs. It's bling bracelet with a bit of horlogical gubbins in place of a medallion.
ReplyDeleteBring back gold sovereign medallions, nestling discreetly in the curl of manly chest hair... classy!
DeleteLLX
Customer responses to this advert:
ReplyDelete'My Father paid $25,000 for this piece of shit which I wore in the exam room yet I still failed my history 'A' Level, it told me eff all.'
'In mitigation for the offence of driving 200 mph up the M1 in his Ferarrai, M'Lud, my client wishes to point out he was wearling a Rolex, a chronograph designed to make men go faster. With regard to the second charge of failing to stop when requested by lawful authority, this should, I respectfully submit, also be dismissed as Rolex watches, by the manufacturer's own admission, make men go further.
And to think I thought it only told you the time.
DeleteLLX
It tells me that it's much cheaper to buy a fake Rolex at the MBK mall in Bangkok - £30 as opposed to £3000. But why is the world obsessed with brand names? Where does buying a Rolex get you? More charitable giving would be something to feel really proud about but a bloody watch! Who cares? They're all a bunch of tossers.
ReplyDeleteI did treat myself to a gold Dunhill several years back, a discreet, classical and very slim design with a leather strap but it was stolen here in Angola. Since this could be construed as a form of charitable giving, am I no longer a tosser?
DeleteHang on, a Dunhill is a cigarette. Why did it have leather strap on it? The "tossers" were the people in the ad.. You of course sir are not a tosser, you are a(CENSORED BY BLOGGER MODERATION)
DeleteYou two men of the world don't need a watch, surely you can tell the time just by looking at the sun? The money you've both saved over the years by not buying a Rolex, has been spent far more wisely on orphans and folk less fortunate than your good selves.
DeleteLLX
It tells me they think that we are stupid !
ReplyDeleteYou can never be too thin, too rich or too stupid.
DeleteLLX
For me it's one out of three
DeleteIt's a man thing... A bloke recently grabbed my wrist at an antiques fair:
ReplyDelete"What's this...?" he asked, breathlessly.
"£25 at Fossils, York Designer Outlet, mate" I replied.
Nilly, yes I think you're right... see above!
DeleteHow can I now let on I did once own a Rolex? Left to me by my cousin, who bless him was very camp. He thought wearing a huge all-singing-all dancing Rolex made him more manly?
I traded it in for pearls to the value: if I wear them all, I glide around looking for all the world like Queen Mary with a chest full of the oceans' bounty. I pride myself with the thought that, at least I've got the bosom to carry it off! Never know the time though!
LLX