Friday, 5 April 2013

The Diet Less Travelled...

With rucksack of podge on your back, never tread this path.

You are destined to be on the rat-run for the rest of your life,
if you so much as place a toe.

Yesterday, was a snowy day here so for want of something better to do, 
I decided to have a clothes cull.
Very interesting it was too...
the reason being, I noticed after filling black sacks,
that the clothes going back decades, were more or less the same size?
A bolt of enlightenment shot through my podge bod,
 with the realisation that all these years of dieting really hadn't worked!

Since the age of 11 I've been on a diet...
all these years of constant worry have only
managed to keep me treading water.

Two different occasions earlier in the week, made me stop
and think about my views on tubby me.
The first occasion, I was waffling on, as I have a
tendency to do, about how if I get a check list of
attributes I require before my next trip to earth,
the one I want the most is to be able to draw.
The man said
'And what else?'
That shocked me, I hadn't really thought further than that.
I thought for a moment
'Well I know this sounds shallow, I would like to be naturally slim!'
As the words issued out of my mouth, I thought how trite.

The next time, I was saying how Ted and I have been on the fasting 
thing since we saw the programme last August and how it was so much part of our
weekly regime.
When the woman who I'd just met that day, said
'I wouldn't have thought you need to!'
Settling myself back on the chair, after having fallen off in shock
I tried to rearrange my face, with gob that had never been more smacked.


These are my findings on years of dieting

1.  Don't, ever!
2.  Throw out the scales or like me put them in the loft.
3.  Never look at models or celeb's with a green eye
for lots of reasons, the main being you are a sad and shallow person.
Added to which...
 the photographers airbrush the lines, wrinkles and podge away 
to a land of make believe.
4.  Get yourself a sympathetic mirror.
5.  Celebrate the you.
6.  Don't ever talk of dieting especially around young girls.
7.  Celebrate your curves; remind yourself just how exciting stick 
insects really are... well okay maybe to an insectologist I grant you.
How many of them do you know anyway?
8.  You will never need to have the fat off your bottom
injected into your face, because it's already there.
9. Have a good appetite for life and food, 
those folk are fun to be around.
10.  Never, ever join a diet club, they are a business,
they take your money knowing you will ultimately fail;
they then will once again, fill their tills with your hard-earned cash.
Yes, you will certainly lose pounds...
this sort though
11.  Walk tall; thinking all time of an elastic band...
the more you stretch it the thinner it gets. 

She looked as if she's been poured into her clothes
and had forgotten to say 'when'.
  P.G. Wodehouse


  1. Ditto here. I have been on them all, grapefruit, high fibre, 6 meals a day etc,etc, and have decided now not to ever diet again, my Mr.T says he likes me the way I am and my face isn't all lines like some people of my age, simply because I am FAT.
    How I wish I'd had this attitude years ago, I have shed so many tears over the years over my weight.
    Brilliant post, loved it.

  2. Why do we do it Briony? What a total waste of our valuable time here on earth. Glad you've seen the light as well.


  3. Hear, hear to all of that!
    And how pleasing that all those old clothes were not too small for you, which is the usual thing when sorting through decades-old garments. I'm surprised you didn't keep some of them - the '80s are very "now" you know. Not to mention the 1920's boudoir caps - perfect with my winceyette onesie! Thank you so much!

    1. Winceyette onesie... ummm... very now on the jam-jam front... you old trendsetter you!