Sunday, 30 June 2013

Picture the scene...

t'old lass is sat under the
magnolia tree,
all is peaceful in her domain.
Strop-levels wither and die
to the tune of the chirruping of
sparrows in the hedge.
All is content in this jungle garden 
in the heart of Kent.

Chilean wine and upmarket crisps
Hubs is quietly tucked up; watching
the British Grand Prix.
Life is good, peace reigns.
Clouds scud across the
azure blue sky,
the wind tickles the leaves,
lulling her into a blissful reverie.

But wait...
at the turn of a page,
her world comes crashing down.
What could possibly shaft 
her Sunday afternoon idyll?

Grand Pricks...
that's what!
Seen here in all their glory.

Now I know I've written at length
about JC and Top Gear
and of late I've thought...
'Get a life Lin...
move on!'
You know something, I can't, I frigging can't.

The reason this time LL?

Well seeing as you've asked...
'We haven't, we haven't!'
'Well I'm gonna tell you any road!'

The TV girls, live in fear of ageing and being 
upstaged by younger, nubile and far more beautiful
  young things, snapping at their 
Louboutin-clad heels.
These podgy toss-pots clad in rubber
 (and if ever you had a yen, for a rubber clad bod, 
this picture would surely be the antidote) 
blithely emerge from Loch Ness or wherever.
It begs the question...

Thinning hair...Why?
Beer belly... What!
Triple chins... Whatever!

The question...
are there double standards at
work here...
or should us girls not give a toss?

Chuck out the
corsets, the botox, the silicone implants,
the plucking, the waxing, the hair extensions,
the fillers, the lipo-suction, fake tan,
false nails, tattooed eyebrows,
wonder knickers
(it's a wonder how you get them on,
let alone off!)

to a man...
if you'll pardon the expression 
let's be...

Hairy, flobby and free...

I ought to own up...

I do like a quiet pluck by
the light of the silvery moon.


  1. Not a good look is it? Enjoy that wine (whine) LL :)

    1. Perhaps they're auditioning for the bad guys in the next Dr Who? All they're short of, is a yogurt pot or three, oh, and a puncture repair kit and talcum powder. At least they can be secure in the knowledge skid marks won't show!


  2. If anything, I think we're supposed to think "Aren't they sweeeet!?" like they're the pudgy little toddlers their behaviour makes them resemble. But they're not for us, are they - they're for their audience of naughty little boy-men.
    (Your pose is a bit daring Lin - are you getting your own back on the lads by having a Sharon Stone moment?)

    1. When I saw the photo, I thought should I pixelate or go for a Brazilian. As my thighs are so chunky I decided neither was necessary in me nethers!


    2. P.S. Ted nearly fell off chair laughing at your comment Nilly.


  3. and I nearly fell off mine reading your first comment to nilly! I totally agree with you can't for the life of me get my head around that programme or their appeal for that matter. jx

    1. What point to life Jayne, if you can't have a good ole chuckle? It's so good for the soul.


  4. Now there's plenty I could say in response to this post but may I first apologise for Jeremy Clarkson. He is by no means a typical Yorkshireman and most of us are deeply ashamed of him...Now let's focus on "wonder knickers". You "get them off" with the sort of debonair charm that simply oozed out of Maurice Chevalier - "ah yes, I remember it well!". Regarding your photo under the tree - you look so wonderfully at ease. Monsieur Chevalier would have kissed both your hands with a devilish twinkle in his eye..."Oh cherie, La lune will be shining tonight!"

    1. Mr YP, you don't need to apologise for Yorkshire's answer to Nissan Narcissus. At the mere thought of him, even my wonder knickers get in a twist; no mean feat!


  5. I am reading this waiting for dinner to cook itself, and if I can see past the tears I'll go and check it in a minute. DH thinks I've finally flipped as I sit here snorting unashamedly . Brilliant! Xx

    1. Hope your guffaws didn't cause your dentures to fly into the casserole. Looking on the bright side, it'd give it a bit of bite.

      Glad you like it.