As I said to my friend, only the other day....

'Use it as pot-pourri in the loo,

for those times,

 when you have a particularly fragrant poo!'

She had arrived at a girly luncheon I was giving,

armed with a carrier bag of goodies she had

been conned into coughing up 60 quid for, in an Egyptian souk.

  In fear of having their throats cut, they decided to cough up money, as opposed

to clunking big fat globules of blood.  

Thinking that, as I used to cook for a living,

I'm the world expert on all things culinary...

I would know!?!

Now I pride myself on being an expert on eating,

not the same thing though is it?

Peering into the Lidl carrier bag,

I could instantly see that, not to put too finer point of it...

they had been had!

'A friend said the bag of saffron is worth

hundreds of pounds!'

And indeed it would, if it hadn't been...

a particularly fine variety of, 
what I must say, did vaguely resemble

saffron... 
Old shag tobacco more like.

'Look lassie you've been conned,
shagged even, however I think the
£60 is a small sum for the enjoyment you will
get from recounting the tale in the years to come!'

'And another thing...
as you depart from the loo give the
pot pourri a goodly stir, 
and bask in the glow of all the money you will save on
those fancy air fresheners that go poof at each and every movement!'

Last night was a mixed bag of emotions as,
dressed to kill, thrill even, in
liberty bodice, big pink bloomers, biker boots
many and various layers I plied my final wares up at the church.

Looking for all the world like Del boy's ageing assistant
I manned my 'Poundstand'  
'Everything must Go' crafting swan song.
Our village had a Christmas Late Opening night,
crafting and carols in the church, washed down with mulled punch.
The shops spilling out onto the pavements, hot dogs aplenty.
Even the chemist selling 'Dr.Hauschka...
gathered by a virgin in the morning dew' was doing a roaring trade.
All was good in the world in the highest village in Kent.

Today I feel strangely...
FREE! 


Where and what to do next that's the big question?

In the meantime I'm off up to York,
bearing gifts, meeting up with pals old and new,
drinking, laughing, reminiscing...
All's good in my world.

***