Imagine if you can...

an early candlelit dinner.

It's a rainy first night of the new year.

Sitting on opposite sides of the table,we peer lovingly into each others eyes.

Conversation is very muted, energy is at an all-time low. 

The cold collation 

with the air of Christmas past is before us.

Valiantly we plough on;

we are of the generation of 

'Waste not,want not' after all.

With one mind we decide that, with great relief, 

tomorrow will bring a return to our normally modest

calorie intake. 

A gentle tentative knocking is heard at the door.

My first thought is 

'Oh no!'

As much as I adore surprise visitors, 

now is not the time for me to be able to turn on the charm.

You've heard of metal fatigue?

Well the elastic in my rather dashing lounge wear trews

was suffering elastic fatigue.

Plus my femme fatale persona was seriously struggling under the weight of the extra pounds, plus the liberty bodice warmth of my newly bought two piece.

Hubs went to the door to discover a neighbour clutching a card 

and a plastic sealed container...

the temporary residence of Herman.

Now if you haven't heard of 

Herman The German Friendship Cake

I hope you never do.

As luck would have it Hubs had asked me this morning would I like another paper.

My reply 

'For a change will you get me the 'Mail'

Knowing full well, that all evidence would be disposed of in the early hours of the morning by the paper collection.

'Nobody need know!'

What's this got to do with the price of cheese in Woolworths I hear you cry.

Idly flicking through the paper I came upon an article about 

the dastardly Herman.

Smugly I thought fat lot of chance of it turning up here.

Nobody, but NOBODY finds us tucked up, 

out of the way in our quiet little backwater.

Kleeneze, Avon, hawkers, Jehovah Witnesses, politicians etc. 


Frigging Herman did though!

Looking for all the world like Frau Merkal's stockingless thighs.

Forewarned is forearmed they say.

Thank goodness for the Mail I say!

Never thought I'd hear myself say that.

Otherwise being me, 

I probably would have fed the brute, made the cake 

and carefully divided him up and passed him on.

"You can't put me in the fridge I will die."

"If I stop bubbling, I am dead!!!"

'Well Herman!  I've got news for you...

like the Euro matey...

YOU'RE Dead!'

***