Pantomime dame crossed with

Alice Cooper...

you've got it in one...

me on the opening night.

At five this morning it hit me square between the eyes...

what did I look like?

A couple of days ago I was told by the trusty members of the cast 

stage makeup had to be applied with gusto.

Wandering in on the dress rehearsal night, I thought

I'd made a pretty good job of it.

'Oh no, you need to emphasise the eyes, cheeks, eyebrows!'

'Say no more!'

Last night this strolling player applied with trowel,

 industrial tipper lorry loads of kohl, eyeshadow and lippy.

My eyebrows arched with black.

Scuttling up the hill, I took the precaution of wearing shades,

as any self-respecting thespian would.

Looking at the other girls, strange to
say their beautifully applied makeup 
had taken on a definitely more muted tone.
And still I didn't twig!

 Award-winning performances they put in gazing at my
ravaged face.

'Are these apple circled cheeks a tad over the top?'

'A little too purple!'

Well, in place of not having blusher, I'd applied,

purple hair chalk, what did they expect?'

I did have the sense to Nivea them off and apply

slightly more muted slap.

And still it didn't dawn on me!

Well that is until suddenly at 5 am like a bolt of lightening
it hit me...

Ageing drag queen, crossed with Les Dawson.
Today's performances will be less slap, 
more method acting and refinement...
femme fatale...
a parody in more muted motion.
People must never, ever say give it some wellie Lin,
cos that's exactly what I do.
I know, I know it's a question of degrees.

Ted needless to say rocked them in the aisles.

A star is born.