I know I don't stand...

a fart in a thunderstorm's

chance of this actually happening

however...

I'm game to try.

Has anyone got a spare ticket going begging

for Eugene Onegin

at Glyndebourne?

I would promise not to muscle in on your picnic.

I would retire oh so gracefully to eat

my sulphurous egg sandwiches

wrapped in a waxed Warburton's wrapper.

I would surreptitiously eat my pickled egg out of a

salt and vinegar crisp packet, in order not to offend.

My can of Special Brew I would quaff behind a tree.

I'd even go so far as to take 
Lin and Ted

off the windscreen of my Smart car.

That is the length I would go to 

in order to get my hands on a ticket.

Any chance?

P.S.  I am prepared to pay in Green Shield stamps, Luncheon Vouchers... coins of the realm... at a push!