Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Look... I do bubbles...

 I AM a Leo...
so I also do - OTT!
And even if you don't believe a word of this star sign carry-on...
I do think  there is an element of something.....  in it!

- that's only the good news.

The full-on giving it with both barrels
Leo trait, even on occasions gets me down.
Added to which, having had a very rich and varied life; 
in any conversation I can come up with 'I've been there, done that' carry-on.
And we all know how annoying that can be!

I am coming from the standpoint of... 
those closest and dearest get the full force of my opinion...
whether they want it or not?
On balance...  Probably not!

Very often, after I've let my thoughts and feelings known
(with knobs on I might add)
Ted says two things...
'Do you think you should have taken a diplomacy tablet there Lin?'
Or the most recent one, I like even better...
'How long did you last in the Diplomatic Corps?'
My mouth open and closes like a bored goldfish in a naff round bowl
before I reply...
'Well I was on a day's trial and didn't last 'til coffee break!'
And there you have it.  Although in my defence I do try,
oh how hard I try... 
to put a sock in it.  
However, out it all spills.


Yesterday was my 65th birthday.
A milestone some might say.

The scales are finely balanced as to which way for me to go...
i.e. sensible and start acting my age or
the much more appealing one...
make an art form of eccentricity.
I sure as hell haven't got the genes to
do art in 
any other way!

So brace yourselves we're oft

Stop wearing knickers at all times,
even on formal occasions,
that way I won't smell of lavender and wee.

Say and do outrageous things
trouble with that... see above.

Throw the frigging deaf aids away
and demand an ear trumpet on a velvet tartan ribbon;
the end of which will peep provocatively from my
builders bum crack of a cleavage.

Don a psychedelic Crimplene catsuit in clashing colours.

Give the prickles on my chin full rein and audition for the
part of the bloke on the Player's Navy Cut fag packets.  They're bound to turn it into a musical one day.

Brighten up God's highlights (read grey) with a streak or two of purple.

Talk loudly - already do that, see above.

Try ever so hard not to feel guilty, when whiling away a month or two
reading and eating crackers and cheese.

Mug pimply youths of their benefits and tinnies of Special Brew.

Purchase a life membership to the 
Tim Wonnacott Appreciation Society.
The application of which will be fast tracked, due to my ability to master the 
finer points of a hand tied dicky!

WSD (Wicked Stepdaughter) thinks my sorely thumb might be 
RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury)
hearing this I visibly brightened...
sounds pretty upmarket, bit like letters after your name.
RSVP, VSOP, VIP, KISS, BA, MA, AA  and the like.
Trouble was she was gently hinting my injury had been bought about by
my tirelessly lifting full flutes of
sparkling water.

Blooming cheek... as if!?!

Cheers... Happy Days!



  1. Oh Linda, you are such a crease, I tell you, you could get a job as a stand up (or sit down) comedienne you just make me laugh out loud every time. I think this must be your funniest post to date, you have a fantastic outlook on life.. long may it continue. As a fellow leo I have never conformed so have no intention of doing that now. A very happy belated birthday, hope you behaved badly. Jayne xxxxx told you those flutes get really really heavy!!!

  2. Happy Birthday!
    I thought your strained digit might be due to too much hitch-hiking - endemic in '60s chicks and a habit hard to give up.
    The only Leo I know well is my youngest son - he must be atypical. He is sweet-natured, easy-going and lovable. He fears he'd burst a blood vessel if he showed any enthusiasm and is so mean that he has been known to send us back birthday cards we've sent him with our loving greetings crossed out & replaced with "Soz - I'm broke"

  3. A psychedelic Crimplene catsuit with no knickers - eeuwwww!!!!!

  4. I placate myself with the thought that if things are destined by a higher force, then the things that tumble unheeded from my mouth are, actually, nothing to do with me.

    Having a quick wit is occasionally a blessing, (I inherited mine from my father [alas, along with his moustache]) but the people who clap with glee at an ace quip quickly delivered generally aren't the people who have cringed and hidden under the table when struck by the "thought it best to be honest (with knobs on)" opinion they're still shuddering from having received!!

  5. Thank you for all your superb observations girls. Without your comments which entertain me hugely, I'd barely be bothered to blog.