Picture the scene...
Alright, I know it's hard to imagine.
Us on Hampstead Heath,
(Never forget this is a fib-free zone.)
On train and tube we travelled
and I'd like to say we were due to
headline at the...
however that would be a STONKING BIG fib!
After a night of thunder and God's greatest
light show on earth...
we decided not to take our boules, due in no small
part to the inclement conditions.
Added to which we didn't want to give the teeniest inkling
that I, not the mention Ted, were under serious consideration for the
the forthcoming selection for the Fifa (grease my hand... not a good ploy in Petanque) newly to be announced Petanque World Cup.
Now if you sense a whopper...
you could possibly be right.
What's this got to do with size? You must by now, begin to question.
Fat lass playing away. On Hampstead Heath, no less.
Plucked and primped I boarded the train,
happy in the knowledge that from any angle,
ne'er a whisker would glisten in the watery sun.
Train up from Kent, I was happy; we took our place opposite a very elegant
lady of oriental face, tiny feet, toned arms and elegance oozing.
I hid my book under the table
'The Lost Daughter of Happiness'
the erotic and exciting tale of forbidden love
by China's most acclaimed writer...
I was happier still when a lady larger than me,
strappy top, chins aplenty.
I smiled inscrutably, then returned to my book.
The rustle tore my attention away from the many and various
Chinese ways to please a man.
Focusing on Brit with arms and chins and sticky bun washed down with
lashings of Coke. I got to thinking the meanings of life.
Sad to say it didn't last long...
back to the book.
Self-rightously I stepped out of the train,
floating on a cloud of self-congratulatory
Well that is until we stepped on to the tube,
where pert young bodies
encased in tubi-grip pink elastic, nubile brown young limbs
Hampstead Heath awash with burnished taut tums and lean
bronze legs rising ever muff-wards,
did, I ought to say slightly spoil my day.
It was super to see WSD and James
and I did beat them at
the French have lived to fight another day!