Sunday, 3 November 2013

Linda's law of activity...

1.  Don't!

2.  As a Garden Guide trodge around the garden 
at speed, in order visitors can't catch you and
ask you a question you haven't the foggiest
idea of the answer.

3.  The rule of thumb...
Never forget you can't use it!
e.g. hanging washing out
 the squeezing of pegs is sooo
painful as is...
peeling vegetables
cutting out
hand sewing
folk used to say

'You've got such lovely, unusual hand writing,
can't understand it mind!'

I now know why old ladies writing gets spidery...
it's their thumbs.

Pulling up drawers is also problematical...
the very reason I gave up thongs...
the twang as I lose grip positively
makes all sensation from my nethers
sing... I wouldn't mind, but not in the way
a girl would want them to.
I now have to wear lisle stockings
industrial strength because I have to use
my whole hand to pull them on.
You just won't believe the sheerest Wolford
stockings and tights I've holed in one before I've even
 got out of the clubhouse.  
I wouldn't mind but I don't even play golf.

What's a girl to do when the size of the latest
Booker prize winner - over 800 pages,
means she's not going to 
be able to literally, not literary, get to grips with it!
Download it to you Kindle...
 I hear you cry...
err, I gave it away.
Because I got it in my head that
all the books were
precised like Readers Digest Condensed Finest.
And no amount of people telling me they're not, will
persuade me otherwise.

Intransigence rules most definitely OK!

Last night saw super sofa slug out of her lair.
Biker boots, beret and scarves a plenty,
she was out shaking her booty with bucket in hand.

Thumb forgotten, she was on a mission.
Now we are a furry family member missing
i.e. Lettice,
we can go out together... a novel experience!
Tunbridge Wells firework display.
Ted orchestrated his troops
to collect for the
Kent, Surrey & Sussex Air Ambulance.
Me being a shrinking violet, decided I would 
raid the Christmas lights and bedeck myself
with same.
Beret... sporting twenty six poppies, (last week
we were abroad collecting... so perks of the job...
 you can snaffle a handful!)
lit up like a Christmas tree, I waylaid all,
as you might imagine.

An old chap I got chatting to, started saying some very complementary
things, what's a girl to do?  Especially with an eye to money
of the folding kind!

As he was pulled away by his friends,
I said 

'Don't worry I'll catch you on the way out!'

I'm not proud...
it was for a good cause after all.

'You can catch me any time!'
his words echoed through the gloom, as his friends
lead him away.

Senility can strike when you least expect it! 


  1. Linda, I had a good ole chuckle when I read this ~ thank you :)

    1. All true Carol... well apart from the thong... never worn one in my life! Why would you? Elastic and bum cracks don't seem a marriage made in heaven to me!


  2. Your post made me smile on a gloomy day x

    1. You've got to smile on any day, gloomy or otherwise. The alternative is just too painful to contemplate. Glad it's done the trick for you... thanks for commenting.