Panna Cotta?
Too many leaves of gelatine and
the offending item sits with an air of attitude,
just as silicone tits sit on a beach.
Too few, and it flops like junket, flabby with
flobb and full of apology as it slivers down your throat.
Macaroons?
The skinny girl's answer to cup cakes?
Passata?
A squashed tomato by any other name.
Extra Virgin?
We're hard pressed to find any virgin, let alone extra.
Deconstructed?
Thrown on a plate... by lazy cooks like me.
Sushi?
Produced by cooks, too mean to turn on the gas.
Halloumi?
Sponsored by Pirelli.
Tofu?
Soya... the under-cover agents of a
genetically modified army?
Quinoa?
A low fat answer to Camber Sands.
Linseeds?
The Dyno-Rod of the
digestive tract.
Think I'd better stop I've come over all peculiar...
think I better have a nourishing glass of slug slime on the rocks.
This rock salt is over 200 million years old,
formed through ancient geological processes
in the German mountain ranges.
Best before 01-04-2004
Label on a container
Tofu?
Soya... the under-cover agents of a
genetically modified army?
Quinoa?
A low fat answer to Camber Sands.
Linseeds?
The Dyno-Rod of the
digestive tract.
Think I'd better stop I've come over all peculiar...
think I better have a nourishing glass of slug slime on the rocks.
This rock salt is over 200 million years old,
formed through ancient geological processes
in the German mountain ranges.
Best before 01-04-2004
Label on a container
Bottled "mineral water" - filtered through Scottish dinosaurs for sixty million years. Delicious.
ReplyDeleteYe gods dear lady, when I saw your new header image I nearly involuntarily produced some mineral water of my own.
When I scrolled down an saw those two severed breast implants I actually did. Now I have laundry to do.
Capacious Harris Tweed plus-fours are the way forward for you dear chap... plenty of room for the pads.
DeleteLLX
love the new header but can't poke fun about the listed foods as they're my favourites (except Tofu & pannacotta)
ReplyDeleteAs if you would? A good clean-living lass I can tell!
DeleteLLX
Thank the Lord for linseeds! Enough said!
ReplyDeleteNuff said!
DeleteLLX
Pssst! "Owl Wood":
ReplyDelete"Spume"!
What's going on here mm?
DeleteRead Mr OW's blog... a very funny guy.
LLX