I've finally succumbed, su-thumbed even! Such a piffling thing... the pain... and me always boasting of having a high pain threshold. Not a bit of it... quivering pathetic wreck, more like! Any road, what decided it, was the thought of having to choose between a wet shave, strop, cut-throat razor, you know the one? Or sensuous, slippery, slithery shaving oil; a Van Dyke, a Roy Wood (remember him?) full set, or my current modus operandi... a cactus impersonator. In short... me thumb can't pluck the offending hairs, bristles and hairy hemp that insists on sprouting on my chinny, chin, chins! Wish me luck...
No 8, Gillygate, York, 'I've looked high and low for the elusive Nilly Hall!' ' I know her!' she dropped like a bombshell into the conversation. Peeling myself from the linoleum... (well glasses of wine had been 'drunk') 'Wot?' I replied in my very best Estuary English... (Kentish maid... Dartford born and bred... me!) My gob had never been more smacked. I ought to explain... Had a 'orrible feeling you would! My new found friend is Jean* ebayer extraordinaire who I met eons ago, when I bought the most wondrous carpet bag.
A carpet bag Aladdin would have been pleased to carry, business class of course. I have never been disappointed by my purchases from jbugsy1, her generosity knows no bounds. Knowing I was coming up to York, I sneakily bought some fabric from her. ' Don't send it!' I airily replied. 'Save money on the postage, I'll meet you in York!' No guesses whose gob was smacked this time! ' Oh shit!' reverberated all the way from Leeds to Kent. She had no escape, poor lass. Nilly, my advice to you is... hope I never find you!
* Jean lives in Leeds; don't be put off by her listings having 'from Turkey' on them.
There is obviously a glitch in ebay's system. Errr... I've just hit the link and no blooming mention of 'From Turkey'. The glitch is obviously in my system... no surprise there LL!
unfortunately... please can you wait until inspiration strikes. It is Friday night after all and anytime now, I will be looking strangely like this. Minus the fags naturally. Watch this space. Toodle Pip! ***
been conned into coughing up 60 quid for, in an Egyptian souk.
In fear of having their throats cut, they decided to cough up money, as opposed
to clunking big fat globules of blood.
Thinking that, as I used to cook for a living,
I'm the world expert on all things culinary...
I would know!?!
Now I pride myself on being an expert on eating,
not the same thing though is it?
Peering into the Lidl carrier bag,
I could instantly see that, not to put too finer point of it...
they had been had!
'A friend said the bag of saffron is worth
hundreds of pounds!'
And indeed it would, if it hadn't been...
a particularly fine variety of, what I must say, did vaguely resemble
saffron... Old shag tobacco more like. 'Look lassie you've been conned, shagged even, however I think the £60 is a small sum for the enjoyment you will get from recounting the tale in the years to come!' 'And another thing... as you depart from the loo give the pot pourri a goodly stir, and bask in the glow of all the money you will save on those fancy air fresheners that go poof at each and every movement!' Last night was a mixed bag of emotions as, dressed to kill, thrill even, in liberty bodice, big pink bloomers, biker boots many and various layers I plied my final wares up at the church. Looking for all the world like Del boy's ageing assistant I manned my 'Poundstand' 'Everything must Go' crafting swan song. Our village had a Christmas Late Opening night, crafting and carols in the church, washed down with mulled punch. The shops spilling out onto the pavements, hot dogs aplenty. Even the chemist selling 'Dr.Hauschka... gathered by a virgin in the morning dew' was doing a roaring trade. All was good in the world in the highest village in Kent. Today I feel strangely... FREE!
Where and what to do next that's the big question? In the meantime I'm off up to York, bearing gifts, meeting up with pals old and new, drinking, laughing, reminiscing... All's good in my world. ***